Through the Looking Glass (Bubble)

I’ve been watching the gas bubble in my eye shrink gradually since it was put there by Dr. Sang, retinal surgeon, about a month ago. It used to cover the entire field of vision in my left eye, and looking through it was very much like looking through the bottom of a drinking glass: you can tell what things are, but they are very blurry and distorted. I imagine that this was the way James Thurber (who eventually became almost totally blind) saw the world.

The gas bubble eventually gets absorbed by the body. At the moment, my left eye appears to hold a clear grayish orb which shivers like Jello whenever I move my head.
The upper arc of the orb is like the dark horizon of the ocean at night as seen from a boat.
Above the arc is a clear area through which I can see objects across the room, although they are blurry without my glasses. With glasses, my vision above the arc of the bubble is only a little less clear than it was before the operation. This gives me hope that my vision will return, although I’m told that the process takes several months.

I am now allowed to walk around all day. I am still not allowed to lie on my back, bend with my head below my waist, exercise, drive, or play the piano with “large body movements.” My piano, in any event, is miserably out of tune and cannot be tuned until July 14. I have been watching a frightening amount of TV. This can’t be good for my brain cells and maybe isn’t even good for my vision. If I attempt to read, I get eyestrain and headaches. So that leaves watching TV marathons of the Twilight Zone and Drop Dead Diva. Also the modern day Sherlock Holmes series on PBS which I have summoned onto my computer screen. Curtiss and I watched several Coen brothers movies together. And other guilty pleasures—though I hesitate to describe them thus—like Hoarders and Say Yes to the Dress (These TV reality shows are like watching a car wreck: you know you shouldn’t but you just can’t look away.) Distractions are good for warding off depression. And TV will do nicely if you can’t read a book.

Everyone tells me to get audio books, but they are as expensive as regular books and I have no income for the foreseeable future. Most of the podcasts I download end up putting me to sleep (if you suffer from insomnia, listen to the Journal of Neurology podcasts—works like a charm.) And I have had to stop listening to radio because world events depress me even more. Listening to music is OK, but makes me feel unproductive. I have certain musician friends who, if sidelined this way, would be tapping and recording polyrhythms, singing melodies, practicing their ear training, transcribing, etc. There is always something you can do if you are determined enough. But I can’t motivate myself to do anything that requires more activity than just passively sitting in a chair or on my bed. This is the first time I have defied eyestrain to type on my laptop for more than a minute or so at a time. I suppose it will get better if after I see the doc tomorrow she says I can drive and/or exercise. I need to get back to my habitual patterns.