Staring into the abyss?

I might be.
Or, more accurately, we might be, Curtiss and I.
C. has had more pain (significantly) in the past few days. He feels it in the esophagus and when he swallows.
This should not be happening. I thought that the radiation shrank the tumor. How could it have grown? If, in fact, it did grow?
We are waiting for the results of the PET scan. I am feeling a sense of dread.
I don't know if I can endure this much longer.
There is no end in sight.
Tonight, when I played at the Island Merchant in Hyannis with Bart Weisman, I ran into 80 year old Sal at the bar, who says he had stage 3 colon cancer back in 1980, refused to have chemo, and is miraculously still with us.
I also found out that Bart's brother, who had a bone marrow transplant 2 yrs ago and was doing well, is no longer doing well and may only have months to live.
Cancer is a vicious, capricious fiend.